Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
