Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
