I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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