Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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