My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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