Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
