There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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