Pregnant stripper...not hot.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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