she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
