Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
