woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
