I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
