it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize