haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
