My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
