my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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