There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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