the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
