i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
