He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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