Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
