Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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