Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
