Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am naked and annoyed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
