when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
