are you still at the devil's house?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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