i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
