I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
