if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
