That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
