Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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