called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
