Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
