R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
