I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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