Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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