if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
