I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
