Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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