New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
