Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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