i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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