the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
