Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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