I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
