I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
