how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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