Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
