Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
