nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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