high people should be assigned attendants
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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