when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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