Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
