I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
