Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
