I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
