two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
