24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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