Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I love you. Go after that dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
