smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
