What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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