It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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