I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
