I looked at my own cervix.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
