we have pet lesbian snakes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
