I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize