I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
