can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
