Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
