Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
