she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
